Transition is defined as "the process or period of changing from one state or condition to another" (Oxford Languages online).

Wow, 2021 is definitely starting out with a few transitions. I (Misty) was let go from my other job due to company downsizing and COVID restrictions. All I could think about were the projects and people I would be leaving behind, and what the #*@$ am I going to do now. And then my skills made their way through my emotion mind.

What was your last transition? Did you notice it? A transition may be as subtle as leaving work at 5pm, washing dishes after dinner, selecting a new show to binge (OMG Bridgerton on Netflix) or more complex such as changing jobs, disengaging from relationships, or starting new healthy habits. We start experiencing transition as children as a way of learning about time and task management (bed time, tv time, school time, play time, clean up, etc). Some people may need ongoing support around life transitions for various reasons. 

Would you like to have a skill or two to help you navigate your next transition? 

The mindfulness skills of "How" and "What" can help you ground during the more difficult transitions. This improves the experience as well as the outcome. You can also use these skills for daily transitions to enrich your connection to self and others.

I recommend watching the happiness scene in the video linked below, "About Time". These skills guide you to care for yourself and see the transition for what it is - a moment - a change - an opportunity.

"How" skills are like DBT spirit guides that foster and teach a sense of being non-judgmental (of self, others, and the events), one-mindful (staying present without distraction or avoidance), and effective (see it through as completely as possible at this time).

"What" skills are an order of operations (you may remember the technique of PEMDAS, from grade school math, to remember mathematical order of operations - link below if you want to know more). You do each step keeping in mind the "How" skills.

• First, you "Observe" (one-mindfully, non-judgmentally, and effectively), which informs you of who, what, and how is transitioning. This could be you, people around you, traffic, etc.
• Next, you "Describe" (using the guides) what is specifically transitioning without blame or shame or labels (I still struggle not using my favorite 4-letter words).
• Finally, you "Participate" in the transition. I mean, it's happening with or without you, so why not have you in the driver seat as much as possible for your moment.

By this time you may be feeling calmer, thinking clearer, and ready to say or do something with the knowledge, wisdom, or resources to make the best of the transition.

So bring it 2021!

Our team at Hope for Healing Counseling is ready to help you through transitions with skill development.

About Time
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVm8NnUzbXk&list=RDYVm8NnUzbXk&index=1 

PEMDAS https://www.mathsisfun.com/operation-order-pemdas.html   (just in case you need to help your kids with math homework).  ;-)

​Post contribution by Misty Andersen

​Ever heard or said "New Year - New Me." Traditionally, this phrase means setting resolutions to start/ stop or add/ lose something for growth. Did you set a resolution for 2020? How did you do? I started and lost a few, and kept one even during pandemic. I'm ready for a do over. Let's really try something new this year by changing resolution into intentional goals using skills.

A favorite DBT skill and a beautiful gift for your new year is Radical Acceptance. Radical Acceptance is the ability to accept ourselves (and others) for who we are, where we are, and how we got to this point. No, you probably don't like this reality. Yes, it is your reality. Take a breath or two here because knowing your reality gives you the power to start making your changes. Here, we can decide what we need to effectively move forward as our best self: Right now, Today, in 5 days, 60 days, or by this time next year.

This is also how goal setting works. First - know where you are, how you are, who surrounds you, and what are your current resources. Second - identify what & when are you working toward (goal for today, a 30-day goal, or 2 year plan). Finally - start effectively gathering, learning, and taking action toward your goals. 

Healthy and balanced growth needs the authentic you. Acceptance does not mean approval. It means this is the real me and the real moment so now what? Practice accepting a past moment without judgment "yep, I did that and I will/ will not do ____ again." Every step teaches you something.  Now practice accepting the present moment; "okay, so here I am and I need ___, so what do I do now." Some moments are easier to accept an others may need a little time or support. But, now you know the who, what, and how of moving forward.

We wish you the brightest and best of 2021 and Now is another amazing starting moment. Let's grow together.

​Contribution by Misty Andersen

 Many people in America and the world have never gone through so many changes so frequently, for so long, or with such intensity. This post is not only about how to cope with the ‘typical’ holiday blues, but how to navigate complex moments that include grief, loss, and loneliness.
Maybe your grief and loss are recent or maybe you go through some form of it every holiday. Maybe you are experiencing loneliness for the first time or you thought you were used to it by now.  Maybe you are one of 10 million Americans who experience depression this time of year and have supports in place ready to weather another season or you are feeling lost because it really feels different this year. For any reason and no reason in particular, this holiday season is going to be different for all of us. Complex moments call for keeping a simple routine because this can help minimize vulnerability to other stresses and challenging moments. A simple routine may look like: regularly eating small meals/ snacks, hydrate with water every hour, follow prescription medications, avoid alcohol and illicit drugs, have balanced sleep and wake cycles, get fresh air and sunlight daily, and seek help when your regular coping skills do not work.
Your coping skills still work, just maybe not this moment. You are normal. You are normal as you experience your grief, sadness, loneliness, joy, anxiety, gratitude, anger, and every other emotion even during the holidays. Every emotion and thought is normal in context. Grief is normal when you lose some thing or someone; try not to compare or minimize.  Loneliness is normal when you feel isolated or disconnected from others even if by choice.  Anger is normal when you cannot sing for the elderly or serve food at the shelter because of COVID. All emotions and thoughts provide messages that call us to check in and be present for self or others. We just happen to go through most moments mindlessly disconnected. The holidays can stir memories of gathering and celebration as well as remind us of loss and loneliness. We often hold onto grief and loneliness when we fight for the moments that have passed or for the ones we want to come sooner. The first steps to changing emotions is accepting ourselves for having them and becoming aware of ourselves in a moment. You become mindful to the moment as it is, not labeling good or bad, not describing it as you want it to be, only as you are experiencing it. You are in acceptance of the moment, accepting of yourself and others. Like on a mall map kiosk ‘You Are Here’ and can decide where you want to go/ what you need to do next.
The STOP skill is often used when in crisis, but it can feel like crisis when you come to the moment and realize you are still crying, you have been in your pajamas for four days, haven’t eaten in two days, have 26 unanswered text messages, and you can’t remember what day it is because the longer you are home maybe days don’t really matter anymore. Here is how to move on to another moment.

1. S: stop. Yep, stop what you were doing, saying, thinking, chewing, all of it. You are now aware of the moment.
2. T: take a step back physically/ mentally. You could stand, sit up, or shift couch cushions. Notice your breathing. Are you holding it or is it shallow at the top of your chest?  Take 3 slow deep breaths. Check in with your breathing again. Repeat if you want – it’s your moment.
3. O: observe what is happening both inside and outside. Acknowledge and accept your moment/ thought/ emotion by giving it a name, e.g.:

“I haven’t eaten since yesterday.”
“I am really sad right now.”
“I slept for 30 hours and I need a shower.”
“I miss ______.”
“I am going crazy and just want to be around my family and friends.”
“I am making my own stress right now with these stupid lights.”

1. P: proceed mindfully. This is checking into Wise Mind. Notice what is making you vulnerable to the difficult moment and see if there is anything that you can do or say that may change it, make you feel better about it, or allow you to accept it and do something else. Examples:
   1. “Wow, I didn’t realize I forgot my medication today and didn’t eat anything since last night.”  **Eat something small or lite and take prescribed medications when appropriate. Consider setting a timer or sticking reminders near your seat, bed, or workspace. Ask a friend or family member to help as a care buddy until you are back in your routine.
   2. “I just heard ______’s favorite commercial/ song so of course I would think of them and miss them now.”  **Try singing or humming the song again as a remembrance and carry the connection with you or let it pass until next time you reconnect to his/her memory.
   3. “I just don’t have the energy or desire to get off the couch.”  **Try setting your phone timer for 3 minutes then get up, drink some ice water, eat a snack, and change one thing – clean socks, retwist the hair bun, add deodorant, brush your teeth, turn on the lights… anything, and then bam you’re in a new moment.
   4. “I’m reminded of ____________ every year.”  ** Try calling family or a friend to share the story about the person or connect with the person on the phone in this new moment.
   5. “I know staying home is safer with COVID, but I’m feeling so isolated.”  ** Try walking around the block and wave to those physically distanced. Remind yourself why the need for safety with COVID, add the thought ‘this is how it is until it is safer again,’ and act so you have adequate basic supplies. Check in with family and friends if they have what they need or if you can be of service. Connect with new or existing supports for online church, AA/ NA meeting, counseling, or video chat with family or friends.
   6. “I don’t feel like setting out all the decorations and lights this year. I don’t have the energy to do my usual baking.” **Start a new tradition like hanging lights inside, crafting gifts, or teach someone to bake via Skype or Zoom or Duo.

We hope you give yourself what you would give to a friend or family member in your situation, compassion, kindness, and care. We chose simple skills drawn from our therapists providing Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Dialectical Behavior Therapy. We encourage you to use or share the information with others to make the best of challenging moments and be present to enjoy some of 2020’s holiday moments. 
​
Contribution by Misty Andersen

One of the ways that trauma therapists help clients stop or avoid panic attacks is with grounding activities. There are many ways to do grounding an this is one of the most common.
In the 3x3 we invite you to notice:
3 things you can see, 3 things you can hear, and 3 things you can physically feel
In the 5x5 we expand the exercise to all 5 of the senses and extend the duration as you notice:
5 things you can see, feel, hear, smell, and taste

Remember with all things coping that practice makes you better. Do it when you don't need it so that it becomes second nature for when you do.

​Best wishes!
​

The rapid spread of COVID19 (Coronavirus disease) and the nationwide emergency response has been fast-moving and intense. For those who struggle with anxiety or depression, the impact of the pandemic can be far-reaching and feel overwhelming. Because anxiety and depression can already feel isolating, it is important to stay ahead of the symptoms by prioritizing your own mental health.
Here are some suggestions to help with maintaining emotional wellness during a crisis.

Control what you can. There are many, many things that feel out of control right now in the world. Focus on what you can manage in your personal life every day, and do that. Routines are extremely important, especially if you struggle with mental health issues.

• Practice your (and/or your family’s) daily routines.
  • Take care of your hygiene – shower and get ready every day, even if you are working from home.
  • Take care of your pets.
  • Eat at your regular mealtimes.
  • Take your prescribed medications.
• Make responsible financial decisions.
• Go outside. Exercise. Get some fresh air.
• Work from home whenever possible to minimize the spread of the disease.

​​Limit news exposure AND obtain news updates from reputable sources. Because social media keeps us connected, it may not be entirely realistic to avoid it altogether. Rather than feed into social panic, obtain news updates from legitimate sources only. Don’t feel guilty if you need to mute or unfollow those accounts or individuals that may be contributing negatively to your emotional wellness. Take a break from social media altogether if you need to.

• Center for Disease Control www.cdc.gov
• World Health Organization https://www.who.int/

Practice kindness to self and others. This national crisis is affecting us on many different levels and it is important to recognize your own needs and also to be understanding of what others may be going through, too.

• Do not trivialize or minimize your personal experience. It’s OK and normal for you to be grieving losses both big and small. It’s OK for you to be struggling in ways others may not seem to be.
• Help your friends, family, and neighbors however you can and are able to. Being of service to others is one of the best ways to feel good about ourselves.
• Do not fixate on doing things perfectly. Do your best! We are all doing our best.
  

Keep things in perspective. This pandemic will not last forever. If we listen to the experts and take care of ourselves and those around us, this will get better. Take things one day at a time and give yourself grace.

Ambiguously hopeful. There's a story there. I once read about a project where they asked people to describe themselves completely using just six words. Think of what a challenge that would be, to sum up yourself and your life and all that makes you, well YOU in only six words. How would you do that? What would you say? Would you pick six adjectives (tall/short, heavy/slender, smart, beautiful)? Would those types of words really define you in any meaningful way or just describe what people can measure themselves by looking at you or talking to you briefly? How we tell our stories matters to us. How we define our uniqueness and describe the intimate moments of our lives and how we've played the game of life is so important to most of us. What would you choose if you were asked to sum it all up in six words?
I chose these: Great LOVE, Great LOSS, Ambiguously HOPEFUL. I feel these words are the best measure of my life and myself. I live my life loving greatly. I hope that if you are reading this now you have felt that at some point from me. I have also had tremendous loss in my life. I've felt grief that has torn out my heart, stomped it into the gravel, and shoved the damaged barely beating organ back into my exhausted body. [Sorry, I got a little graphic there, and I think you get the point]. In my life, I have had moments of pure optimistic hope for the future as well as those moments that none of us care to admit where hope seems as elusive as big foot or the loch ness (yep, I looked it up and that's how you spell that) monster. We want to stop the suffering of the moment and we feel as though we may drown in our hopelessness. Ambiguity by definition means something uncertain, unclear, complex, or doubtful. This is how I feel about hope, it comes and goes it never seems to stay constant. I've always managed to find it again but usually not alone.
Try the six words activity and let me know what you come up with. I would enjoy hearing your ideas.

Too many adults have given me that sideways look, as if I'm being ridiculous, when I inquire if they've seen the (brilliant) Pixar film Inside Out. First, I have to mention that I'm a huge fan of Ed Catmull (Twitter: @edCatmull) [read about him here: ​http://www.creativityincbook.com/catmull/] and his team of creative superheroes at Pixar. I recently saw him interviewed at the Global Leadership Summit #GLS15. He shared some excellent insights about being a leader but I digress. 
What I really want to share with you is the amazing insights that can be gained from the film geared toward children. The story line features a young girl named Riley who moves from her childhood home at a pivitol time in her life. During the course of the move, her emotions which generally allow most memories to feature the exceeding happiness of Joy. Joy is a character everyone likes (except me) because she is happy go lucky and makes Riley's life full of positive memories (only in real life she is that person who wants you to just "cheer up" and "give us a smile" when you're having a crappy day and it makes you want to punch her in the face because she's just too cheerful, ugh). Joy really has zero tolerance for Sadness. She never lets Sadness access the control panel and Sadness is highly repressed and her repression leads to some big problems in Riley's "Headquarters". Ultimately Riley loses contact with both of them and they are forced to work together to set things right. The other emotions, comically try to cover the absence of Joy and Sadness but fail miserably. Among the other important messages we come to understand that all emotions are valuable and purposeful even if they are seemingly less desirable.
Kids need this lesson because we don't want them to try to avoid listening to pain and the messages it conveys in terms of what needs aren't being met and how we can better reach our goals and maintain hope. Many of the adults who have given me that sideways look need this reminder even more than the kids I know. Many have blocked Sadness in the same way she was blocked and repressed in the film. However when we flip that internal switch that shuts off sadness it shuts off our access to all of our emotions and we struggle to connect with others, we struggle to be creative and individual, we struggle to love and find hope, we struggle and become bored with the monotony of daily life. We must learn to embrace, acknowledge, validate, and accept all of our emotions and listen to what they are whispering to us. They are our friends not our enemies. They all deserve a seat at the control panel. 
(Don't leave before you see the clip with the cat emotions, it makes SO MUCH SENSE). 
Click here to link to the movie trailer and some fun printables including a coloring page: http://afewshortcuts.com/2015/03/free-disney-pixar-inside-out-printable-activity-sheets/